7/11/2011 214 Days Old

On the 214th day in the life of the most beautiful girl in the history of the world the morning began peacefully. Maya had been up a few times through the night. As Erin got ready for work we moved out to the couch where Maya went back to sleep. Maya struggled today. She slept most of the time. She was having trouble digesting today. She would wake up from her sleep very upset. After investigating I would find a destroyed diaper. When she finally got her tummy troubles worked out she went into a deep sleep.

This afternoon Maya got really upset. I could not figure out what was going on. I tried every thing that I know to do to calm her including a dose of morphine and she still cried. I turned up her oxygen tank and she got some of her color back, but she still cried. I changed her diaper and she still cried. I suctioned her mouth and she still cried. Eventually she wore herself out, and went to sleep. It was a difficult hour or so. Luckily for me my sister Krissie had come over so that I could run an errand. It always helps to have some one else around, and Krissie has been that some one numerous times. I don’t know how we could get through all this and take care of Maya if it were not for both mine and Erin’s family. Thank you.

This evening Grandma Kathy came by with dinner. Maya was still asleep when she got here. She was able to take care of Maya for a while so that me and Erin could leave the house and run another errand. Maya had a better evening than she had an afternoon. She did get upset a few time, but we were able to comfort her.

When Maya struggles it is hard to understand what is going on. Two Fridays ago Maya got vaccinated. The vaccinations come with side effects of an elevated temperature, increased secretions, and irritability. That was 10 days ago. I keep telling myself that Maya is just having a reaction to the vaccines and that she will come out of it, but I really don’t know that. This has happened many times before. Every time that she is able to pull herslef back up it amazes me. I tell myself over and over again that this time will be the same, but I worry. We are both scared. If we could just understand what Maya is going through I think we could over come some of our fears, but no one seems to know much about what Maya is going through.

I hope that all of my fears are overreactions to the effects of a vaccine. I hope that my beautiful little girl will come through smiling to the other side. I know that she is stronger than we are. I know that she will amaze us every day that she is still here. And I know that I will love and cherish every minute that I get to spend with her. Even when fear clouds my thoughts and tears block my eyes I can still see the most beautiful girl in the history of the world.

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